◈ MISSION BRIEFING ◈

You are the night shift agent. Assignment: Break Room Fridge, Sub-Level 3.

The yogurt (Designation: E-008) is awake. It is moving between shelves.

Your objective: Keep it in the fridge. Do not let it reach the edges. Do not engage in conversation. Do not taste it.

SURVIVAL: 00:00 E-008 STATUS: DORMANT CONTAINMENT: 100% MOVES: 0

▣ FRIDGE CONTAINMENT GRID ▣

ABCDE
E-008 FROZEN BAIT EDGE (DANGER)

▣ AGENT CONTROLS ▣

3.0s
CARDINAL
LOW
NONE

▣ INCIDENT LOG ▣

E-008 CONTAINMENT PROTOCOL

The yogurt is stirring. Your shift begins now.

◈ INCIDENT HISTORY ◈

2025-11-03 Agent Kowalski: Contained E-008 for 47 seconds before it liquefied through shelf 2-D. Agent found in break room staring at empty fridge. Refuses to eat dairy.
2025-12-15 Agent Blackwell: E-008 breached containment in 12 seconds. "It was already at the edge when I looked." Subject reassigned to filing.
2026-01-08 Director Huang: Attempted diplomatic approach. Spoke to E-008 for 3 minutes. E-008 responded in fluent Mandarin. Director Huang does not speak Mandarin. Containment protocol upgraded.
2026-02-20 Agent Torres: Record containment: 194 seconds. Found unconscious at control panel. Yogurt had written "THANK YOU" on the fridge whiteboard. In Torres's handwriting.
2026-03-01 [REDACTED]: ████████████ the yogurt ████ seventeen employees ████████ sentient ████ elevator shaft ████████ God help us all.

◈ AGENT FIELD NOTES ◈

— Agent Park "It can sense fear. And lactose intolerance. Both make it faster."
— Agent Kowalski "The freeze beam is your best friend. Use it early, use it often. Edges are death."
— Agent Reeves "After 60 seconds it starts moving diagonally. After 120 it can JUMP. I didn't believe it either."
— Director Huang "The bait trap works. It cannot resist the scent of another yogurt. It is lonely."
— Agent Torres "If you hear it humming, seal the edges. Immediately. Don't ask why. Just do it."
— [REDACTED] "It's not trying to escape. It's trying to ████████. We just can't let it ████████."